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From one home to another

As I'm getting ready to return to the States, I have a hard time knowing what to call it. Am I going home? Or am I leaving home? It feels the most accurate to say I'm going home December 5th and in 5 months I'll be coming back home. Thailand is no longer a "foreign" country to me; I no longer feel like a visitor.

One of my friends who is half way through a stint abroad posted a list of things she will miss when she returns to the States, and things she is looking forward to. Here is mine.

What I will miss
My neighbors and other Thai friends who have become like family to me
Speaking Thai
Thai food! Pad thai, som tam, spicy curries, sticky rice....
Cheap, cheap prices
Isaan worship
Thai fruit (can't beat it anywhere, I'm convinced)
Sunny days, every day

What I am looking forward to
Seeing friends whose lives I know about only through their blogs
Being able to blend in!
Christmas sights, sounds, smells, tastes
Whole wheat bread
Cheese!
Driving my own car
Sleeping in a real bed
Carpeted floors
Watching TV (in English)
Not sweating through my clothes on a regular basis
Freedom from mosquitos!
Non-contagious pets
Soy lattes
Having (and using) an oven, microwave, toaster

Okay, so right now the second list is longer, but I'm guessing that once I get to the States I'll discover many more things I miss about Bangkok!

17 days and counting...

Let the little children come to me

"... and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Luke 18:16-17

Last night my house was full of children again for house church. Mostly 6- and 7-year-olds, with a couple older boys. I sometimes wonder what the value of these meetings is, strategically. I mean, if we're hoping to transfer ownership of this church to locals of the slum, then shouldn't we mainly be seeking out the adults?

But I was reminded again last night, that God chooses the foolish things to shame the wise, that maybe I should be taking my cues from these little ones, the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.

We always open our worship times with prayer, and this time our Thai leader Nim made a point of getting the kids to quiet down and focus on Jesus. "Sit like they teach you to at the Buddhist temples," she said, which prompted them to sit cross-legged, hands open in the lap and eyes closed. They clearly have some practice in this. "Now listen to Jesus, listen to God." And she read a psalm and led us in prayer.

Afterwards she asked them "children, did any of you see or hear anything?" "I saw a light" said three or four in unison. "I heard a voice calling my name," said little 6-year-old Beng, who lives next door and visits me often.

"That's Jesus, child, that's Jesus calling you," Nim said. "And that light is God's light that you are seeing."

During our closing prayer time we asked the kids for prayer requests. Often it is difficult to get them to say anything. But this time was different.

"What do you want to ask from God? How do you want him to bless you?" Nim asked.

"I want him to bring my mother back to live with my dad." "I want him to heal my grandmother." "I want him to help my father stop drinking." "I want him to stop the violence down in the south."

Could it be that these little ones will be the start of a movement here in the slum of Phothong? Could their beautiful faith and earnest prayers be the salt and light here? It would certainly be in the character of a God who has done far more foolish things in the eyes of the world. I know that for me Jesus was a little more real to me last night because of those children. Who's to say that they aren't the most "strategic" ones for us to love and invest in?

They are Buddhist but They are not Stupid

I have noticed a new sign lately that I am another large step out of culture shock. I have found myself defending Thais, rather than joining in to the conversations of "why in the world do they believe...", "it doesn't make any sense when they....", "why can't they just understand...". I think in the midst of culture shock, when much is new and foreign, we tend to believe that what confuses us just doesn't match up to some universal logic or set of morals. And so because we don't understand, we easily label it as foolish. But as I have come to learn about and from my Thai, Buddhist neighbors more about why they do what they do and believe what they believe, I have gained a greater respect for them and their beliefs.

Now this has not at all changed my own beliefs-- about God, man and how we are to live. I think we can hold firmly to our own convictions without having to belittle the people who hold others. I will never believe Buddhism is the path to salvation, but I no longer think the people who do are stupid. As I have done more study into the religion I now realize it is far more complex than what we see on the outside. Not only that, but I'm begininning to understand more deeply how it affects Thais to believe one thing fervently since childhood, along with every known family member and ancestor, not to mention every government official and member of the country's royalty.

Yes, Thais bow down to man-made Buddha images, and yes they know that these figures cannot hear or speak or move. They believe in a spiritual power behind these statues, not the materials themselves. They have been doing this since they were babies and their parents held their hands together for them in the Thai gesture of respect, and they watched everyone around them doing this as they grew up.

Buddhism is not simply a religion of killing off one's desires and spending long hours in silent meditation. It actually has many honorable teachings, such as doing good rather than evil, self-restraint, refraining from greed, respecting one's elders, seeking after wisdom.

It is true, however, that the aim of Buddhism is to attain one's salvation by one's own efforts, and this can never be accomplished. Buddhists need Jesus. They need the freedom of knowing that Christ's work on the cross gave us freedom from needing to earn enough merit to get to heaven. They need Jesus' forgiveness for the ways they have abandoned the creator God and turned to lesser gods. They need love from the Lord rather than the callous indifference of their idols. In this country of broken families, they need a Father.

But no amount of arguing or comparing Christianity to Buddhism in a simplistic way will ever get through to them. It is not that their beliefs are foolish and ours make complete sense. To them, our religion is too easy-- free forgiveness from sin is ridiculous. And that God would lower himself to become man-- ludicrous. To Thais, if you do good you receive good and if you do evil you receive evil. None of this free mercy or suffering of the godly that Christians believe in.

So for my neighbors, it is not a simple turning from what we often see as the obviously false to the obviously true. In our churches here, almost across the board people have come to Christ after a personal, tangible experience with God. Only when they feel that he is real and alive and longing for relationship with them does that knowledge break through the paradigm they have grown up with. Many have had dreams and visions, miraculous healing, or sensations during worship that convince them that Christianity is not a man-made religion but a relationship with a living God.

I have been doing research into Buddhism not to create a well-formed apologetic approach to presenting the Gospel to Buddhists, but to understand them better. My readings, and conviction from the Lord, has helped me to turn from my temptation to be condescending and disrespectful, if only in my thoughts, to having a deeper love and depth of understanding of my neighbors. It has also given me ways to begin conversation, to know more of what the deep longings of the Thais are and how they are trying to attain them through their religion. When I can use my intellectual understanding to be able to connect to the hearts of people here, rather than rational argument, that, I believe, is when I am best able to communicate the Gospel.

Please pray for my continued efforts to show Christ's love through my life and my words among Buddhist slum-dwellers in Bangkok.

"Just Love Them"

It has been a WHILE since I posted last, mainly because most of my online work has been on our team website. That nearly finished, I should have more time now to post personal thoughts here.

I recently went on a 2-week personal retreat, to rest after a series of illnesses and accompanying lack of energy for ministry. I went to Hua Hin, one of the less crowded beaches here in Thailand, and spent many hours watching the waves, reading, sleeping, eating good fresh seafood. :)

One of the questions that has been stirring in me is that of calling. I came here as a 23-year-old with practically no training for full-time ministry, hardly aware of who I am, longing to partner with God in his work among the poor but clueless as to how to do that. At first, I was just learning the language, so my task was fairly uncomplicated (though not exactly easy!). Now as I get my feet wet in ministry, I feel somewhat like I am trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. I am in highly extroverted roles (like youth ministry), though I am an introvert. Living in the slum offers very little privacy, and while the cultural value is "the more, the merrier", I am realizing that I absolutely must have time to myself in order to rest and reflect. I do not exactly have the ideal personality for getting to know an entire slum community, I am not charasmatic or visionary, I seem to thrive when I am doing website design, prepping Bible studies and other detail-oriented roles. How do I fit into this ministry, especially living incarnationally in the slum?

Last December I met a woman (I can't remember her name now) who has lived in a Bangkok slum for many, many years now. During our brief conversation, she kept saying the same thing: "Just love them. Just love them."

When I remember that, it simplifies everything. It stops me in my tracks when I am trying to be someone I'm not, or wishing I had certain gifts or personality traits I do not. God created each one of us differently, but we are all capable of love. Extraverts are not the only ones capable of living among the poor and loving them. Though it may manifest itself in different ways, if we have the love of Jesus in us, we can share that with those around us.

Love is a fruit of the Spirit, not a spiritual gift given to a select few. It is a command, not a talent.

On my reteat I was reminded of this again as I meditated on 1 Corinthians 12 and 13. Chapter 12 is on spiritual gifts, how we are all part of the same body, that God created us the way he did ON PURPOSE to serve a special role in his mission.

Then the last sentence: "And now I will show you the most excellent way." And that is love. Gifts are useless without love. Even giving to the poor and self-sacrifice are worthless without love. And though we may not all prophesy or teach or have gifts of healing, though the places and people we are sent to are different, we are all called to love. And love is really what the poor need. By God's grace, that, I know, I have to give.

May God have such access to each of our hearts and wills that his redeeming love would flow from us, in the unique manifestation that we each offer. May he continue to show me what unique role he has created me for, so I can give him full access to use me in that way. But more importantly, would I be willing to love, without fear.

Becoming a Thai musician

In my ongoing efforts to fully enter into Thai culture, I have recently begun learning the Sah Duang, a type of Thai fiddle.

I couldn’t pass up the offer for free lessons made by a regular at the coffee stand I frequent in the mornings. Tawan, a retired musician, has been teaching traditional Thai instruments to children in his neighborhood without charge for the past several years. He offered to spend two hours a week with me, whenever I was free. So we decided on Saturday mornings.

He invited me to come over any evening that week to listen to the children rehearse. That first evening I was not only treated to a really impressive performance by the young band, but Tawan and his wife also fed me and the kids dinner and then GAVE me my own sah to begin practicing with.

I get the impression that his small house is filled every evening with grade-school-aged kids practicing their instruments: string and mallet instruments, Thai flutes and percussion. On his walls hang dozens of handmade instruments, photos of performances with children, Buddha images and shrines. In conversations with Tawan he has more than once mentioned that he is growing older quickly and has little time left to make merit before he dies. His service to the children, and to me, is clearly inspired by a love for the dying art of traditional Thai music, but also by a fear of what awaits him after death. I was recently hanging out with a couple youth from my Bible study and they testified that the security of knowing they will be in heaven for eternity is one of the greatest blessings they’ve received in their conversion from Buddhism.

I have now had two lessons so far on Saturday mornings at Tawan’s house, where he teaches me along with one or two other kids who are learning the sah duang as well. From the first meeting I realized I would not only be learning a new instrument, but also a new notation system that bares little resemblance from the one I’m so familiar with. I’m finding that my Western musical background does not help me as much as I thought it would. Not only are the notes written in Thai characters, but melodies and rhythms are written out only as a reminder, an approximation of what the music should sound like. If you have not heard the tune, it’s impossible to look at the music and play it accurately.

The instrument itself is one of those that sound really bad until learned well. There are only two strings and nine possible notes, so memorizing them is not difficult. But getting a sound that doesn’t sound like a wailing cat is the tricky part. I pity my neighbors. J Also, there are no frets or other markers on the strings, so you have to use your ear and adjust your fingers in position and pressure to get the note in tune. And anything but gentle, steady motion with the bow produces painful squeals.

But I am hopeful that with some work I will be able to produce the beautiful sound the sah is capable of. I’m not sure how exactly this will fit into my ministry here, but at least I hope it will communicate to those I am serving that I value and enjoy their culture, I have not come to impose mine. Perhaps I will be able to implement the instrument in worship here, or teach others who are interested how to play it. But for now, it is a way God is allowing me to enjoy another aspect of this country, and to learn and receive, a humbling position for a missionary, but a necessary one.

Happy New Year!

Sawadi Bpi Mai! (Happy New Year!) Here's to new beginnings, including a personal resolution to keep this blog better updated!

Many Festivities; Few in Honor of Jesus

New Year's here is the Thai equivilent of Christmas, in terms of significance to them. One would think the Christmas trees, English-language Christmas carols (many blatantly about the birth of Jesus), red and green decorations were all in honor of Christ's birthday. But now, Christmas has come and gone with very few Thais even realizing December 25th was a holiday. The festive atmosphere, meant to simply imitate the holiday trappings of the much-esteemed West, is all about ringing in the new year.

The arguably second most significant holiday here is the king's birthday, December 5. It's closest equivilent in the US is the Fourth of July. Parties with friends and families, decorations, and, of course, fireworks. In the evening the king gives a live speech on TV which the entire Thai population watches with rapt attention. This year the program also led the people in patriotic songs, which could be heard sung in stereo as groups belted out the melodies all over the city. There truly is a unanimous deep respect and love for the king in this country.

But on the birthday of the King of Kings, only small pockets of believers paid their respects.

During one of my recent language lessons my Thai tutor Jum, a Christian, remarked that every Christmas she feels lonely. "Why?" "Because I just think of Jesus, all alone in that cold stable..." So few people witnessed the birth of the Messiah that night. And so few people honored it here this year, just like every year prior. No wonder Jum feels lonely, with so few of her people joining her in celebrating the greatest miracle and gift of love creation has ever received.

"If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace..." Jesus cried, as he wept over Jerusalem. He goes on to prophesy about coming destruction of the city. "...They will not leave one stone on another, because you did not recognize the time of God's coming to you." (Luke 19:42-44) Of course, "God's coming" was Christ himself, sent first to God's people, the Jews, who were to reject him. Oh Bangkok, when will you recognize God's coming to you? Thailand, nation that honors its king for his compassion toward the commoner, when will you worship the King who dwelt among us, took on our poverty and then the very punishment for our crimes? Like a father you revere this earthly king, wise but mortal. Oh that you would receive the embrace of your waiting, eternal and perfect Father. How he longs to bring you peace! Peace from your strivings after the favors of idols, peace from the plagues that ravage your society and your homes, peace from the fear of an uncertain next life.

This is my prayer, Lord.