Musings of a Missionary

My new website

2006-12-03T14:24:00.000+07:00

I will no longer be using this blog, but have switched to www.sarainbangkok.net Please update your bookmarks!

From one home to another

2006-11-18T08:59:00.000+07:00

As I'm getting ready to return to the States, I have a hard time knowing what to call it. Am I going home? Or am I leaving home? It feels the most accurate to say I'm going home December 5th and in 5 months I'll be coming back home. Thailand is no longer a "foreign" country to me; I no longer feel like a visitor.

One of my friends who is half way through a stint abroad posted a list of things she will miss when she returns to the States, and things she is looking forward to. Here is mine.

What I will miss
My neighbors and other Thai friends who have become like family to me
Speaking Thai
Thai food! Pad thai, som tam, spicy curries, sticky rice....
Cheap, cheap prices
Isaan worship
Thai fruit (can't beat it anywhere, I'm convinced)
Sunny days, every day

What I am looking forward to
Seeing friends whose lives I know about only through their blogs
Being able to blend in!
Christmas sights, sounds, smells, tastes
Whole wheat bread
Cheese!
Driving my own car
Sleeping in a real bed
Carpeted floors
Watching TV (in English)
Not sweating through my clothes on a regular basis
Freedom from mosquitos!
Non-contagious pets
Soy lattes
Having (and using) an oven, microwave, toaster

Okay, so right now the second list is longer, but I'm guessing that once I get to the States I'll discover many more things I miss about Bangkok!

17 days and counting...

Let the little children come to me

2006-10-16T13:25:00.000+07:00

"... and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." Luke 18:16-17

Last night my house was full of children again for house church. Mostly 6- and 7-year-olds, with a couple older boys. I sometimes wonder what the value of these meetings is, strategically. I mean, if we're hoping to transfer ownership of this church to locals of the slum, then shouldn't we mainly be seeking out the adults?

But I was reminded again last night, that God chooses the foolish things to shame the wise, that maybe I should be taking my cues from these little ones, the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.

We always open our worship times with prayer, and this time our Thai leader Nim made a point of getting the kids to quiet down and focus on Jesus. "Sit like they teach you to at the Buddhist temples," she said, which prompted them to sit cross-legged, hands open in the lap and eyes closed. They clearly have some practice in this. "Now listen to Jesus, listen to God." And she read a psalm and led us in prayer.

Afterwards she asked them "children, did any of you see or hear anything?" "I saw a light" said three or four in unison. "I heard a voice calling my name," said little 6-year-old Beng, who lives next door and visits me often.

"That's Jesus, child, that's Jesus calling you," Nim said. "And that light is God's light that you are seeing."

During our closing prayer time we asked the kids for prayer requests. Often it is difficult to get them to say anything. But this time was different.

"What do you want to ask from God? How do you want him to bless you?" Nim asked.

"I want him to bring my mother back to live with my dad." "I want him to heal my grandmother." "I want him to help my father stop drinking." "I want him to stop the violence down in the south."

Could it be that these little ones will be the start of a movement here in the slum of Phothong? Could their beautiful faith and earnest prayers be the salt and light here? It would certainly be in the character of a God who has done far more foolish things in the eyes of the world. I know that for me Jesus was a little more real to me last night because of those children. Who's to say that they aren't the most "strategic" ones for us to love and invest in?

They are Buddhist but They are not Stupid

2006-07-07T16:10:00.000+07:00

I have noticed a new sign lately that I am another large step out of culture shock. I have found myself defending Thais, rather than joining in to the conversations of "why in the world do they believe...", "it doesn't make any sense when they....", "why can't they just understand...". I think in the midst of culture shock, when much is new and foreign, we tend to believe that what confuses us just doesn't match up to some universal logic or set of morals. And so because we don't understand, we easily label it as foolish. But as I have come to learn about and from my Thai, Buddhist neighbors more about why they do what they do and believe what they believe, I have gained a greater respect for them and their beliefs.

Now this has not at all changed my own beliefs-- about God, man and how we are to live. I think we can hold firmly to our own convictions without having to belittle the people who hold others. I will never believe Buddhism is the path to salvation, but I no longer think the people who do are stupid. As I have done more study into the religion I now realize it is far more complex than what we see on the outside. Not only that, but I'm begininning to understand more deeply how it affects Thais to believe one thing fervently since childhood, along with every known family member and ancestor, not to mention every government official and member of the country's royalty.

Yes, Thais bow down to man-made Buddha images, and yes they know that these figures cannot hear or speak or move. They believe in a spiritual power behind these statues, not the materials themselves. They have been doing this since they were babies and their parents held their hands together for them in the Thai gesture of respect, and they watched everyone around them doing this as they grew up.

Buddhism is not simply a religion of killing off one's desires and spending long hours in silent meditation. It actually has many honorable teachings, such as doing good rather than evil, self-restraint, refraining from greed, respecting one's elders, seeking after wisdom.

It is true, however, that the aim of Buddhism is to attain one's salvation by one's own efforts, and this can never be accomplished. Buddhists need Jesus. They need the freedom of knowing that Christ's work on the cross gave us freedom from needing to earn enough merit to get to heaven. They need Jesus' forgiveness for the ways they have abandoned the creator God and turned to lesser gods. They need love from the Lord rather than the callous indifference of their idols. In this country of broken families, they need a Father.

But no amount of arguing or comparing Christianity to Buddhism in a simplistic way will ever get through to them. It is not that their beliefs are foolish and ours make complete sense. To them, our religion is too easy-- free forgiveness from sin is ridiculous. And that God would lower himself to become man-- ludicrous. To Thais, if you do good you receive good and if you do evil you receive evil. None of this free mercy or suffering of the godly that Christians believe in.

So for my neighbors, it is not a simple turning from what we often see as the obviously false to the obviously true. In our churches here, almost across the board people have come to Christ after a personal, tangible experience with God. Only when they feel that he is real and alive and longing for relationship with them does that knowledge break through the paradigm they have grown up with. Many have had dreams and visions, miraculous healing, or sensations during worship that convince them that Christianity is not a man-made religion but a relationship with a living God.

I have been doing research into Buddhism not to create a well-formed apologetic approach to presenting the Gospel to Buddhists, but to understand them better. My readings, and conviction from the Lord, has helped me to turn from my temptation to be condescending and disrespectful, if only in my thoughts, to having a deeper love and depth of understanding of my neighbors. It has also given me ways to begin conversation, to know more of what the deep longings of the Thais are and how they are trying to attain them through their religion. When I can use my intellectual understanding to be able to connect to the hearts of people here, rather than rational argument, that, I believe, is when I am best able to communicate the Gospel.

Please pray for my continued efforts to show Christ's love through my life and my words among Buddhist slum-dwellers in Bangkok.

"Just Love Them"

2006-04-18T08:50:00.000+07:00

It has been a WHILE since I posted last, mainly because most of my online work has been on our team website. That nearly finished, I should have more time now to post personal thoughts here.

I recently went on a 2-week personal retreat, to rest after a series of illnesses and accompanying lack of energy for ministry. I went to Hua Hin, one of the less crowded beaches here in Thailand, and spent many hours watching the waves, reading, sleeping, eating good fresh seafood. :)

One of the questions that has been stirring in me is that of calling. I came here as a 23-year-old with practically no training for full-time ministry, hardly aware of who I am, longing to partner with God in his work among the poor but clueless as to how to do that. At first, I was just learning the language, so my task was fairly uncomplicated (though not exactly easy!). Now as I get my feet wet in ministry, I feel somewhat like I am trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. I am in highly extroverted roles (like youth ministry), though I am an introvert. Living in the slum offers very little privacy, and while the cultural value is "the more, the merrier", I am realizing that I absolutely must have time to myself in order to rest and reflect. I do not exactly have the ideal personality for getting to know an entire slum community, I am not charasmatic or visionary, I seem to thrive when I am doing website design, prepping Bible studies and other detail-oriented roles. How do I fit into this ministry, especially living incarnationally in the slum?

Last December I met a woman (I can't remember her name now) who has lived in a Bangkok slum for many, many years now. During our brief conversation, she kept saying the same thing: "Just love them. Just love them."

When I remember that, it simplifies everything. It stops me in my tracks when I am trying to be someone I'm not, or wishing I had certain gifts or personality traits I do not. God created each one of us differently, but we are all capable of love. Extraverts are not the only ones capable of living among the poor and loving them. Though it may manifest itself in different ways, if we have the love of Jesus in us, we can share that with those around us.

Love is a fruit of the Spirit, not a spiritual gift given to a select few. It is a command, not a talent.

On my reteat I was reminded of this again as I meditated on 1 Corinthians 12 and 13. Chapter 12 is on spiritual gifts, how we are all part of the same body, that God created us the way he did ON PURPOSE to serve a special role in his mission.

Then the last sentence: "And now I will show you the most excellent way." And that is love. Gifts are useless without love. Even giving to the poor and self-sacrifice are worthless without love. And though we may not all prophesy or teach or have gifts of healing, though the places and people we are sent to are different, we are all called to love. And love is really what the poor need. By God's grace, that, I know, I have to give.

May God have such access to each of our hearts and wills that his redeeming love would flow from us, in the unique manifestation that we each offer. May he continue to show me what unique role he has created me for, so I can give him full access to use me in that way. But more importantly, would I be willing to love, without fear.

Becoming a Thai musician

2006-02-08T11:40:00.000+07:00

In my ongoing efforts to fully enter into Thai culture, I have recently begun learning the Sah Duang, a type of Thai fiddle.

I couldn’t pass up the offer for free lessons made by a regular at the coffee stand I frequent in the mornings. Tawan, a retired musician, has been teaching traditional Thai instruments to children in his neighborhood without charge for the past several years. He offered to spend two hours a week with me, whenever I was free. So we decided on Saturday mornings.

He invited me to come over any evening that week to listen to the children rehearse. That first evening I was not only treated to a really impressive performance by the young band, but Tawan and his wife also fed me and the kids dinner and then GAVE me my own sah to begin practicing with.

I get the impression that his small house is filled every evening with grade-school-aged kids practicing their instruments: string and mallet instruments, Thai flutes and percussion. On his walls hang dozens of handmade instruments, photos of performances with children, Buddha images and shrines. In conversations with Tawan he has more than once mentioned that he is growing older quickly and has little time left to make merit before he dies. His service to the children, and to me, is clearly inspired by a love for the dying art of traditional Thai music, but also by a fear of what awaits him after death. I was recently hanging out with a couple youth from my Bible study and they testified that the security of knowing they will be in heaven for eternity is one of the greatest blessings they’ve received in their conversion from Buddhism.

I have now had two lessons so far on Saturday mornings at Tawan’s house, where he teaches me along with one or two other kids who are learning the sah duang as well. From the first meeting I realized I would not only be learning a new instrument, but also a new notation system that bares little resemblance from the one I’m so familiar with. I’m finding that my Western musical background does not help me as much as I thought it would. Not only are the notes written in Thai characters, but melodies and rhythms are written out only as a reminder, an approximation of what the music should sound like. If you have not heard the tune, it’s impossible to look at the music and play it accurately.

The instrument itself is one of those that sound really bad until learned well. There are only two strings and nine possible notes, so memorizing them is not difficult. But getting a sound that doesn’t sound like a wailing cat is the tricky part. I pity my neighbors. J Also, there are no frets or other markers on the strings, so you have to use your ear and adjust your fingers in position and pressure to get the note in tune. And anything but gentle, steady motion with the bow produces painful squeals.

But I am hopeful that with some work I will be able to produce the beautiful sound the sah is capable of. I’m not sure how exactly this will fit into my ministry here, but at least I hope it will communicate to those I am serving that I value and enjoy their culture, I have not come to impose mine. Perhaps I will be able to implement the instrument in worship here, or teach others who are interested how to play it. But for now, it is a way God is allowing me to enjoy another aspect of this country, and to learn and receive, a humbling position for a missionary, but a necessary one.

Happy New Year!

2006-01-01T16:07:00.000+07:00

Sawadi Bpi Mai! (Happy New Year!) Here's to new beginnings, including a personal resolution to keep this blog better updated!

Many Festivities; Few in Honor of Jesus

New Year's here is the Thai equivilent of Christmas, in terms of significance to them. One would think the Christmas trees, English-language Christmas carols (many blatantly about the birth of Jesus), red and green decorations were all in honor of Christ's birthday. But now, Christmas has come and gone with very few Thais even realizing December 25th was a holiday. The festive atmosphere, meant to simply imitate the holiday trappings of the much-esteemed West, is all about ringing in the new year.

The arguably second most significant holiday here is the king's birthday, December 5. It's closest equivilent in the US is the Fourth of July. Parties with friends and families, decorations, and, of course, fireworks. In the evening the king gives a live speech on TV which the entire Thai population watches with rapt attention. This year the program also led the people in patriotic songs, which could be heard sung in stereo as groups belted out the melodies all over the city. There truly is a unanimous deep respect and love for the king in this country.

But on the birthday of the King of Kings, only small pockets of believers paid their respects.

During one of my recent language lessons my Thai tutor Jum, a Christian, remarked that every Christmas she feels lonely. "Why?" "Because I just think of Jesus, all alone in that cold stable..." So few people witnessed the birth of the Messiah that night. And so few people honored it here this year, just like every year prior. No wonder Jum feels lonely, with so few of her people joining her in celebrating the greatest miracle and gift of love creation has ever received.

"If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace..." Jesus cried, as he wept over Jerusalem. He goes on to prophesy about coming destruction of the city. "...They will not leave one stone on another, because you did not recognize the time of God's coming to you." (Luke 19:42-44) Of course, "God's coming" was Christ himself, sent first to God's people, the Jews, who were to reject him. Oh Bangkok, when will you recognize God's coming to you? Thailand, nation that honors its king for his compassion toward the commoner, when will you worship the King who dwelt among us, took on our poverty and then the very punishment for our crimes? Like a father you revere this earthly king, wise but mortal. Oh that you would receive the embrace of your waiting, eternal and perfect Father. How he longs to bring you peace! Peace from your strivings after the favors of idols, peace from the plagues that ravage your society and your homes, peace from the fear of an uncertain next life.

This is my prayer, Lord.

A New Season

2005-11-08T12:47:00.000+07:00

As the weather here shifts from humid and rainy to drier and wonderfully cool, I am coming into a new season in my life and ministry, too.

I just returned from an intense and blessing-filled training in Manila, Philippines (more on that later). Part way through the month there I heard news that my team leader Kevin and his family had secured a house in a new slum community and were living there a few days a week. The hope is for a house church to come alive in the near future. There are already two young believers there and I have been praying to see God work in that slum. I was really excited to hear of Kevin and his family's commitment to seeing a work start there.

During the last week I was in Manila I got word that my community of Permsup would have not 2 years, as expected, but 4 months until eviction.

I returned to Permsup last week with a mix of emotions. The conference had given me time to reflect on my life and make some decisions, as well as give me new vision and energy for ministry. At the same time, I am having to deal with the fact that my house and community will be bulldozed as early as February. People I have come to see as a second family will be scattered. Fortunately, nearly half the community is in our savings group, and under the leadership of our Thai partners they are applying for government assistance to secure a plot of land. Still, it seems that nothing is certain, not enough money is being saved yet, and the deadline is rapidly approaching. Community members who have not been saving are in panic mode right now. A couple families already have back-up plans to live on the outskirts of town. Half of my youth Bible Study will be moving to that area.

Assuming the group gets the land, it will not be possible for Dave or I to build houses there, since we are foreigners. But Nim and Gaew, our Thai church leaders, are intending to live there. It is possible that I could rent a room from one of them, but Dave's only option is to live near, but not in, the community.

This has given me the opportunity to ask the question: is this the time for me to move on to a new community? To start, with Thai partners, a new house church? Our goal is to hand off the leadership of these churches to Thais as soon as possible, and to then start new works. Already we have two solid Thai leaders in the Permsup church, and several Christians who could very well become leaders in the near future. The service has recently been conducted in the Isaan dialect, the first language of the people, which I have not begun to learn yet, so I am not contributing much to the church right now anyway. My main ministry has been the youth Bible Study, but only of the girls will relocate to the new land, and I think there are others who could lead that group (Nim lead it while I was in Manila).

And now we have a house in Potong. That community has been on my heart, especially as there are two youth believers there and no church yet. The vision the Waltons have for the house is for a team of Thais and possibly a missionary (most likely me) to move in together. There are two large bedrooms and a common space with a kitchen, two bathrooms and a gathering area more than large enough for a house church meeting. Since last year I have felt God saying that eventually I would minister in Potong, and to pray for the community until then. I was assuming that would be about two years from now when I possibly moved there, when Permsup was evicted and its church more established. But maybe now is the time?

Please pray with me about this. Nothing is certain yet, but I definitely feel the seasons changing and need to be receptive to God's leading. Please pray also that those who are planning to relocate together would be able to secure the land, that those with more finances would help those who are struggling, that God's blessing would be on the various application processes, that the church would stay intact and even experience a revival as they see God's provision for them. Pray also for those who have not been planning for this, that they would seek the Lord in their desperation and that he would have mercy on them.

Jesus, Friend of the Poor

2005-08-12T12:15:00.000+07:00

Tonight is the first night that I will be leading the Permsup youth Bible study. The girls who have been coming asked that we study the birth of Jesus, as some of them have never read it. So for the past couple of days I have been reflecting on just how God decided to become man.

I realized that the beauty and even craziness of the story have lost their impact on me, over the years of hearing the verses read and not really pondering them. At first I wondered how to lead a study on Jesus' birth and have it be very interesting. But God has been making the story new to me all over again, and it has been such a blessing preparing to share this with the girls.

First of all, God-- the king of Heaven and earth, who deserves all glory, honor and praise; who holds the power of life and death in his hands; was given a feeding trough as his first bed. He was born in the middle of the night to a couple who could not only find no room in a local motel (was it full or were they unwelcomed?), but who also knew no one in their home town who would welcome them in for the night. So Mary gave lonely birth to the Savior of the world among animals.

Jesus was born in poverty, in the middle of nowhere, to parents not of royalty or power, nor of blonde hair and blue eyes. He came to the ordinary, the obscure, the humble. To ones the world would not commend or idealize, but who God alone lifts up. He came not as political leader or king, forsaking the appeal of human power, but came as a servant and friend to the poor.

And who did God send the hosts of heaven to, announcing this miracle of deity made flesh? Not to the religious of the day, those who memorized every Jewish law and spent their days in the temple. But to shepherds. To one of the lowest classes of society. Interestingly, to the men who cared for sheep offered as temple sacrifices. To these God introduced the Lamb of God, come to take away the sins of the world.

Obscurity in his birth, rejection in his death. What kind of Savior is this? One who is familiar with our sufferings, who has carried our infirmities especially those of the "least of these." By his wounds the poor of Bangkok can be healed.

If Jesus were to be born in Bangkok, I'm convinced it would be in a slum. I hope that as the girls in the study consider the birth of Jesus tonight that they will receive in a new way the depth of Jesus love and care for them and their community.

Going Under the Knife in Thailand

2005-06-17T15:36:00.000+07:00

A main reason for my lag in posting is that I have had an ulcer on my right cornea for almost two months now (minus a couple weeks when it seemed to "heal" temporarily). The likely cause was a pair of old contact lenses combined with nasty up-country water being thrown in my face during Songkran, the Thai waterfighting holiday. Something has been living in my eyeball since April, and doctors here still are uncertain what it is.

I have gone to four different hospitals and seen about five different doctors. I've been on anti-biotics and anti-fungals. I've had a corneal "scrape" culture done and, most recently, a corneal biopsy. A more serious post about this whole experience will come soon; for now here are some observations about the Thai medical system.

First of all, there are few free-standing medical clinics here; rather, doctors have their clinics inside hospitals. In the private hospitals I went to there was a good amount of English on the signs, paperwork, etc. and not too difficult to navigate. But lately I have been going to a government, university hospital which is absolute chaos. You have to make a hospital card, find your clinic on one of 12 floors, sit in the waiting area until you are called to sit (or stand) in the next waiting area. You may have an appointment card, but really that doesn't mean anything-- it is first-come, first-served. I've heard that people line up at the doors at 5 a.m. On my worst day there so far I had to wait 4 hours for a 15 minute appointment.

On the times I was prescribed medicine I had to take the initial prescription slip outside to a well-hidden pharmacy. Here I was given a receipt (but not yet the medicine) to take back to the cashier at another building. After paying I had to return to the pharmacy with yet another paper, wait and then receive my meds. Wouldn't it be much simpler if the pharmacist could just take my money as well?

My biopsy was done in the operating room for the opthalmology department, in a separate building that I was able find using a map drawn by my doctor. This procedure is over a half-hour long. My eyelids were taped open and a bright light was shown into my (already light-sensitive) eye. Anesthetic eye drops kept my eye numb, but I was still forced to watch the blade come into my eye to take out a chunk of my cornea. Luckily, the light was so bright it was practically blinding me, so I could only make out blurred images. After the procedure they typically have the patient take the sample themselves to the laboratory (??!!) and pay for the visit. Fortunately, they took pity on me as a foreigner and had someone take it for me, though I did have to wait at the cashier counter with a huge patch over my eye and the anesthetics quickly wearing off.

One up-side to Thai healthcare is how cheap it is. The biopsy and subsequent labwork was under $100. The most expensive doctor's fee I've paid was about $25. Just a few days ago I purchased antibiotic eyedrops and oral medicine for less than $2.

As for my eye, it has healed from the biopsy and the ulcer is not improving or getting worse at this point. Initial results from the biopsy showed no organism (which can't be possible); on Monday I will find out the culture results. Until then I am on anti-biotics to prevent a new infection, but the doctors are still in the dark as to what I have or how to treat it. Pray that Monday's findings would be conclusive and lead to my healing. I do trust the doctors I am seeing, as this hospital, for all its craziness, is seen as the best in the country. Because it is a university hospital they are up on the research and have access to the best equipment. God knows every detail of what is happening in my eye-- pray that he would reveal that knowledge to the doctors.

It is HOT

2005-04-10T15:27:00.000+07:00

This month is the peak of hot season in Thailand. At the moment, the weather in Bangkok is reported online as 100 degrees, "feels like 117". Ugh. My little Northwest-grown body doesn't know how to handle this.

Unfortunately for me, I have one of the hottest houses in the community. This is mainly due to the corrugated metal roof and no drop ceiling or second floor to catch the heat. And because my house is surrounded on all sides by other houses, virtually no breeze reaches me at all. Even with a fan pointed at me and the door and windows open I constantly drip sweat from about 9 a.m. until after 5 p.m.

The upside to this is that it gives me added incentive to hang out in front of the community and chat with people there. There is quite a bit of shade and a nice breeze, plus an ice cream truck or fruit seller comes by every 20 minutes or so. There's never a shortage of people to talk with, and to commiserate about the heat together (even the Thais are suffering. At first that was comforting to know that I'm not totally a wimp, but it's also somewhat disappointing that I'll never fully get used to this-- the human body can only adjust so much).

I am frequently sweating through my clothes on the short walk from my house to the bus stop. There have been times on the canal taxi (more aptly described as a sewer boat) where I have felt sweat running down my legs and pooling at my ankles. I've had to guzzle water to not feel dizzy and headachy by the end of the day. I've started following the Thais' example and taking multiple showers a day, and putting on large amounts of a wonderful menthol body powder that's popular here.

Tomorrow (a delay of one day, for those I mentioned this to) I will be heading to Kalasin, an area up-country in the Issan province where a large number of Permsup residents are from. During the 3-day Songkran holiday in April Thais in Bangkok return in droves to their home provinces to be with their families. I will be joining some of my neighbors for a week in their village. I am really excited to be able to bond with Bang and her family and to learn more about Thai and Issan culture. But pray for endurance in the heat as I will not be able to escape into air-conditioning as I am able to do here at times. Luckily, the holiday has digressed from a time of Buddhist blessing through water-pouring into a national water fight. I hear that farangs are particularly targeted and that people frequently ice their water before dousing people. So that should help some with the heat. :)

God has been using this time to remind me that this is a part of what it means to lay down my life here; he is teaching me how to be content no matter the circumstance; to identify with the people he has sent me to in this aspect of their life. And this season will end soon-- the rainy season begins in May. So, praise God, I have found myself able to push through and endure more than I would have expected. Thank you to those whose prayers have also given me strength.

Light Competing with Darkness

2005-03-19T09:09:00.000+07:00

I feel a strange mix of emotions when I am in Permsup. I thankfully have not grown numb to the darkness of the place, I have not been fooled by the seemingly carefree demeanors and laughter, often alcohol-induced or a mask to hide pain. I still see the garbage and mangy dogs who have scratched off most of their hair; I still smell the sewage; I still see fathers and husbands incoherently drunk at 5 p.m.; I still feel the heat that fans cannot relieve; I still see the dirty and neglected children; I still sense the shame of the Isan people for their dark skin and imperfect Thai.

It could be easy to slip into hopelessness. After all, nearly everyone here has. Who am I to believe anything different?

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."
Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, and he began by saying to them, "Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing." --Luke 4:18-21

Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!" After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they say the Lord.
Again Jesus said, "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you." --John 20:20-21

So it is a mix of emotions I feel when I am in Permsup, because there is a light of hope in me that is competing with the darkness. It has seemed strange to me that often my deepest sense of peace comes when I am in this slum, among these broken people. I wondered how this could be, that I would feel joy in the midst of such pain.

I've been reading Chasing the Dragon, an account of Jackie Pullinger's outreach to drug addicts and prostitutes in Hong Kong's Walled City. It has been extremely inspirational and encouraging. This paragraph particularly resonated with me:

The second time I went into the Walled City I had this wonderful feeling inside; the thrill you get on your birthday. I found myself wondering why was I so happy? And the next time I went into the Walle City I had exactly the same sensation. This was not reasonable-- of all the revolting places in the world. And yet nearly every time I was in that underground city over the next dozen years I was to feel the same joy. I had caught a glimpse of it at confirmation, and again when I had really accepted Jesus into my life-- now to find it in this profane place?-- p. 39

There is a peace that comes with following Jesus, I've found, that has nothing to do with outside circumstances. There is much to be hopeless about, much to be afraid of, and yet God has kept that hope alive in me and I have seldom felt afraid here. I know he is protecting me, he has called me here; it is the Lord who will accomplish his will through me and bring new life to Permsup (I can already see him doing that!). I have often felt at the end of myself here, like a child who is both extremely vulnerable and incapable of accomplishing much of significance. It has been leading me to greater and greater dependence on God, and he is showing himself to be trustworthy and powerful. It has been humbling, but I believe that this will bring God greater glory. He alone is my strength, he alone is my hope.

The Bluntness of Thais

2005-03-10T13:29:00.000+07:00

For your amusement, here are some of the things Thai people have said to me:

"Why don't you cut your toenails more often?"

"It seems like you're fatter." (This accompanied by hand motions which seemed to indicate that my face had swollen up like a balloon.)

"Have you been eating a lot lately?"

"You don't speak Thai well at all." (Thankfully, lately people have been complimenting me on my Thai almost every day. But for awhile this was very discouraging.)

[neighbor] "Sara! Where are you?"
[me] (washing my face before bed) "In the bathroom!"
[neighbor] (waits for me to emerge) "Oh, were you showering?"
[me] (thinking "to shower" might be a general term for washing in general) "yes."
[neighbor] (looking into my bathroom) "You didn't use much water.... you didn't shower!" (accusatory, for Thais shower at least twice a day, religiously). "Why not, because it's cold?"
[me] "Yes, and because in the States people only shower once a day."
[neighbor] "But it's not hot there. You need to shower twice a day. In the morning and when you get home in the evening."
--Since then she has been watching to see if shower in the evening and will often ask me about it. I'm considering sucking it up and showering twice a day so I make a little more sense in her eyes.

"How much did you pay for your haircut?" "How much did it cost you to fly here?" "How much did that shirt cost?" "How much do you spend on food every day?" (Followed by very blunt opinions, almost always-- "too expensive.")

"Don't eat too much food or when you go home your friends will tell you how fat you got in Thailand."

"Narak jung luuy!" (or "So cute!")-- yelled at me by random people on the street.

"You're 23?! I thought you were about 16!"

"Your skin is so white and beautiful. You have such pretty blonde hair. Thai people aren't pretty at all-- we all have black eyes and black skin."

(in broken English) "Hellooooooo! Hey you! Farang! (foreigner)"

"Hello! I don't have a girlfriend yet!"

Things I Have Gotten Used To

2005-02-07T16:35:00.000+07:00

...to some degree:

cockroaches in my bathroom every evening
loose floorboards in my main room
the sound of rats in the room my landlord uses for storage
waiting 25 minutes for my electric water heater to heat up enough water for my shower
little lizards all over my house
having no light in my bedroom if I don't turn it on before 5 p.m.
sometimes not seeing a piece of bread for many days
spirit houses on every corner (okay, I don't think I'll ever get used to that)
drunken karaoke at 3 a.m.
being called "farang" (foreigner), even by people who know my name
comments on my "beautiful" white skin and "blonde" hair (in the States I'm really not a blonde, and many with my skin tone would work on their tan)
being cheated by fruit vendors
causing double-takes when I walk down the street
noise-- all the time, everywhere, except a rare late night in Permsup
cat fights, dog fights, family fights
roosters crowing at 5 a.m.
packed sidewalks of people who are oblivious to everyone else
frequent comments on my weight and language abilities
sitting on the floor, eating off of the floor, sleeping on a mat on the floor
hanging my clothes to dry, timing my laundry so there will be enough sun to wear the clothes the next day
gossip about how I don't have a TV (a big status symbol in the slum), how I only shower once a day, how much money people think I have
my three-year-old neighbor barging in to help herself to my candy or gum

Praise God for giving me the grace and perseverance to live in this place. He really does give us everything we need to respond to his call. I wouldn't choose to be anywhere else.

Foods I Have Eaten (that deserve some applause)

2005-02-07T16:33:00.000+07:00

ground iguana with sticky rice
eel soup, barbecued eel
fermented fish paste
rat stew
pig intestines with garlic/pepper sauce (this one is my favorite of the list, surprisingly)

My New Wish List

2005-02-07T16:05:00.000+07:00

Just in case you'd like to send me something but don't know what would be good to send a missionary in Bangkok, here is my updated list of ideas:

Books (a few suggestions-- let me know if you'd like to send me one of these so I can take it off the list and avoid duplicates): Amy Carmichael of Dohnavur (Frank Houghton); Chasing the Dragon (Jackie Pullinger); Saint in the Slums: The Story of Kagawa of Japan (Cyril Davey); Desiring God (John Piper); Cry of the Urban Poor (Viv Grigg); Spirituality of the Road (David Bosch)-- or any other Christian books or biographies of missionaries that you think would be encouraging
Packets of instant oatmeal or hot drinks I can use with my water heater at my house
newspaper/magazine articles
worship music
blank journal
Ultrathon mosquito repellant lotion
travel-sized anti-bacterial lotion
stain remover like Stain Stick
granola bars

If other things come to mind I'll add them (or take them off the list if I end up with a stockpile) so you can keep checking back if you're one of those wonderful gift-givers. :) I have been really blessed by how many people have sent me packages and this is not intended to solicit more-- it's hopefully just a help to anyone who was wanting to send me something anyway.

"I Didn't Mean to be Black"

2005-01-19T12:13:00.000+07:00

That is the first line of a popular song here that my three-year-old neighbor was singing the other evening. Her parents taught it to her as a joke.

Iew has the darkest skin of anyone in her family, and in a country that bases so much of its social interactions on comparison, she is forced to hear comments on it daily. Having white skin is such a strongly held ideal that it seems everyone is focused on it. Most face lotions, powders, even deoderant contain whitener. People are often holding up their arms to each other to compare skin tone. A Nigerian expat I met recently complained about the Thai people not being hospital. I'm convinced his vastly different experience is based on his appearance (and the assumptions that go along with that).

Hence the lyrics to the song that would never be aired in the States (at least not nowadays). That same evening, Iew's mother was holding her affectionately, pointing to the TV at a beautiful, white-skinned Thai woman and telling her daughter "that woman is very pretty. You're not pretty at all-- you're so black." With a smile on her face. I don't understand.

And so as a three-year-old, Iew is already trying to find some other way to look beautiful. In contrast to her sister and cousin she lives with, Iew is obviously a dancer and performer. Every evening I am over she shows me her new dance moves, which are disturbingly provocative. I couldn't figure out where she was learning it until I was over later one night and saw that her parents were letting her watch the equivalent of MTV (they were actually watching it with her).

Please pray for this little girl. I've made it my mission to tell her daily that she is beautiful (and she really is), that she has beautiful skin, that God made her this way. Pray that God would protect her from the temptations to be provocative as she grows older and begins to understand what that really means (and what she can get for it). Pray for her parents, Chiao and Lin, who have good intentions and really love their daughter but are also a product of the corruption in this culture. Pray that more people in this country would come to know their Creator and accept who he has made them to be.

What I See on my Morning Runs

2004-12-29T11:13:00.000+07:00

I try to go running a few days per week at about 6:30 a.m. A short description of what I come across will give you a good snapshot of my area of Bangkok, I think.

I first head out of Permsup, greeting some of the people who are already awake that early. My neighbor Lin is usually heating up water for the children's bucket showers, and these past few days the TV has been on, tuned to a channel broadcasting news of the tsunami tragedy. I often pass by an elderly man who still boils water over a wood fire every morning. Kids are getting dressed in their neatly-pressed school uniforms. Alarms are going off, radios are playing, meat is hissing on the barbecue.

I run passed food stalls that are just opening up, selling donuts or barbecued pork or bananas and sticky rice. The street is already busy with cars and motorcycles, elderly men and women taking their mornning stroll.

And then there are the bald, barefooted monks, dressed in orange and carrying buckets to collect gifts made in merit-making. I make sure to leave a lot of space if I run past one of these men, because if I woman touches a monk he becomes "unclean" and must then go through an elaborate purifying ritual. Yet it is almost always women who make merit to these monks, kneeling on the ground, placing their gift in the bucket and then receiving a blessing from the monk. Who these men pray to or what power they believe they are summoning in making the blessing is a mystery to me. But the women believe that by making an offering to one of these holy men they are increasing their karma and that of their loved ones, improving their chances for good fortune now and in their future lives.

As I continue running I reach a path along a canal, which would be nice scenery were it not for the garbage littering it and the faint smell of sewage coming up from the water. As I continue running an elaborate Buddhist temple comes into view.

My route then takes me to a main highway, which is already busy with people waiting for buses, food vendors selling breakfast, mangy dogs wandering the sidewalks. The air is already hazy with pollution. I run past several spirit houses and often see people laying fresh flowers on the alter, replacing the bottles of soda with new ones, lighting candles, paying respect to the spirits who supposedly reside there.

By the time I return to Permsup I am reminded again of how blessed I am to not feel I have to appease spirits, bow down to men in robes, hope that I have done enough good in my life to escape punishment from the gods. It is to break bondage such as this that Jesus came. Praise he Lord that he is a God of grace, slow to anger and abounding in love. May his presence grow in this city and the number of his worshippers increase. Bangkok needs Christ's freedom!

December Newsletter

2004-12-29T11:11:00.000+07:00

December, 2004

Dear Friends and Family,

I hope you have had a blessed holiday season. It was definitely different leaving most of my Christmas traditions in the States, but a joyful time nonetheless. The reason for celebrating Christmas had not changed, though all of the trappings of the day might. God has made his dwelling here on earth not only in Bethlehem or the US, but among believers the whole world over. It was powerful to see Christians here in this pagan country, where Christmas means very little, praising God for the gift of his Son.

Christmas in Bangkok

Nearly all of the believers in the Peace Community church network are former Buddhists and pagans. They did not grow up with Christmas traditions, so the parties, caroling and celebration of the church are for many where they have learned how to celebrate Christ’s birth. These activities also serve as a fun way to reach out to neighbors who have not heard much, if anything, about Jesus, and who will seldom turn down games and good food.

One of the most popular pastimes in Bangkok is karaoke, so it is fitting that Thai Christians love to go caroling. But in contrast to the brisk door-to-door singing that sometimes happens in the States, here it is an elaborate affair. One evening this month a group of about two dozen of us piled into cars and stopped at 10 church members’ houses in different neighborhoods, mostly slum communities or low-income government housing. At each home there was singing, prayer and blessing for the house and those who live there, and then a time of sharing food and fellowship. As we walked through the community we sang songs and handed out small gifts to the children. The trip started at 6 p.m. and wasn’t finished until nearly 2 a.m.

On Christmas Eve the Permsup house church hosted a huge Christmas party at Dave’s house. A few women from the community cooked up a feast, feeding the 70+ people who came with plenty of leftovers. There were games and singing for the kids, a gift exchange, and a showing of the Jesus film. A good time was had by all.

As for my own Christmas day, I spent it with my teammates Jen and Dave. We ate good food, relaxed in our team leader’s air-conditioned house, opened care packages from friends and family and spent some time in Scripture together. It was a very special time.

Going North for New Year’s

The big Thai holiday this time of year is New Years (Bii May). Ratchai, the new believer in Permsup, has invited our team to join his family on their annual trip back to their home province of Kalasin for the holiday. We will make the 7-hour trek on the 28th and probably come back on the 3rd. It sounds like this will be a laid-back time of meeting the family’s relatives, eating a lot of sticky rice and a spicy papaya salad called Som Tam, and a break from the heat of Bangkok (it is still in the 90s during the afternoons here). Jen and I will be taking a break from Thai lessons during this week, but will have plenty of opportunities to practice, I’m sure. Dave will be trying to learn more of the family’s first language, Issan. We are still trying to figure out this heart language of the majority of Bangkok slum dwellers. It appears to be similar, if not identical, to Lao, though we have heard that it once had a distinctive alphabet. This, however, has disappeared ever since the Thai government destroyed all written forms of the language several decades ago. It is still passed down verbally, however, and most families in the slums are bi- if not tri-lingual. It my hope to one day be able to speak about Jesus in Issan to the poor of Bangkok.

Language Learning

My daily language lessons and practicing with friends and neighbors is teaching me much about perseverance, but is also progressing quickly. I can now hold simple conversations with people and have started to develop some real friendships. I now definitely know more Thai than either Spanish or French, which I have studied in the past. And though it is a lot of work, especially as an introvert, thinking on how God will soon use my voice here compels me forward. A few weeks after we return from Kalasin, Jen and I will be learning the Thai alphabet. As an avid reader and writer, I am excited to be able to understand written Thai.

Prayer Requests

1. Please pray for two of the youth in Permsup: Ahng and Fon. These two teenaged girls seem to be the closest to accepting the Gospel. Fon, who is 14, has already expressed interest in committing herself to Jesus, but seems reluctant to go against her family which is devoutly Buddhist. Ahng is my neighbor and my landlord’s daughter (she was in one of the pictures in my last letter). She is studying the Bible as an optional class in school and is often asking questions about God. Both girls have been coming to the house church together. Pray for God to be continuing to till the soil of the hearts and that I would be faithful in modeling, interceding, and witnessing in the simple ways I can now.

2. We have just approved a new member to the team named Clara. She will be joining us hopefully in the early fall. She has some background experience in youth work and ministry to addicts—I am excited to have her join us. Please pray for her fundraising and preparations.

3. As always, pray for my language learning. Ask the Lord to continue providing what I need to keep my energy and determination levels high. Thank him with me for the generous and kind language partners he has already blessed me with.

4. Pray for my trip to Kalasin to be a safe one and a time of bonding with this family from Permsup. Pray for Pie, Ratchai’s wife, and Nat, their son, who are not yet believers. Dave and I will probably be asked by many about our faith and why we have come to Thailand; pray for open hearts to what we have to share.

Blessings to you in this coming new year.

In Him,

Sara Stephens

November Newsletter

2004-12-28T10:54:00.000+07:00

November, 2004

Hello from Bangkok!

It’s with great excitement that I write this first letter from the field. I hope that through these updates you will get a good sense for what this place is like and that your own heart would grow for the needs of the people here. Your prayers for this ministry and for me are extremely important.

My New Home

On October 6 I arrived safely in Bangkok and the next day moved into the squatter community of Permsup. The slum is home to about 120 families, living in shacks built on stilts over a swamp. There is limited (cold) running water and electricity, people take bucket showers and sleep under mosquito nets, mangy dogs and cats roam the twisting walkways. Most of the community is of the Issan minority group, speaking a dying language from the Northeast (as well as Thai) and delegated to low-income jobs such as construction, public transportation and food vending.

My new home is a three-room house of plywood and corrugated metal, though one of the rooms is used for storage by our landlord. It is in a fairly safe area (as far as slum housing goes), being at a kind of dead-end and surrounded by incredibly friendly neighbors. Our landlord’s wife and sister have practically adopted my teammate Jen and I, keeping track of our comings and goings, feeding us and even doing our laundry a couple of times.

Peace Community Church Network

Every Sunday there is a house church gathering in Permsup, led by my teammate Dave and a couple other Thai leaders in the Peace Community Church Network (PCCN). There are currently thriving house churches in four slum communities of Bangkok, with new sites already in the works. Services in Permsup are held in Dave’s home and consist of worship, sharing and prayer, a teaching from Scripture and communion. Believers and non-believers often join us from the community, either invited by friends or attracted to the strange sound of praise being sung in the midst of poverty.

Once a month the four congregations gather together for worship and, this month, for baptisms of new believers. November 7 was our most recent such service, and two members of the Permsup church, a father and teenaged daughter, were baptized. Seven others from another house church also made their public declaration of faith. Praise God for this fruit, that more Thais are following Jesus as their Lord!

Language Learning

I am now fully immersed in learning Thai. Each morning Jen and I meet with a language tutor for two hours, then with someone on staff with PCCN to develop a “script” (short paragraph) to practice with neighbors, street vendors, and anyone else willing to lend an ear for a few minutes. Most of the afternoon and evening are spent speaking as much Thai as possible to as many people as possible.

This has been exhausting work, but also incredibly rewarding. Where at first I could not recognize one word in a conversation happening around me, I can now often pick up on at least the topic, and increasingly more of the details, too. It is also an entertaining process, both for me and the Thais who find comedy in many of my attempts to communicate. On my side, I have gotten to hang out with some great people and eat some usually delicious and sometimes, shall we say, “adventurous”, foods. My most notable accomplishment has got to be the meal that included both a ground iguana dish and eel soup.

Prayer Requests

Pray for Ratchai and Pat, the father and daughter from Permsup who have recently been baptized (more pictures are on my website). Pray for God to increase their faith and love for him as they learn more of what it means to be a disciple. Praise God for these first believers in Permsup! Pray also that I would be a good role model for Pat, both now and as I become increasingly able to communicate with her. Right now Nim, a leader in the church, is discipling Pat; ask God to continue to bless that relationship.

Pray that God would continue to give me the energy and mental stamina I need for the labor of language learning. Ask him for increased memory and for many patient Thais who will help me. Pray also for patience for me, as I am anxious to be fluent and able to do more meaningful ministry here. Pray that I would have peace in knowing this is what it means to be faithful right now.

Pray for this Servant Partners team: Dave, Jen, me and our leader, Kevin. We are still in the process of getting to know each other, learning each other’s gifts and figuring out how to best support each other. Pray that God would knit us together and that we would be a blessing to each other.

Thank you each for your prayers, for those of you who have dropped me a line of encouragement or caught me up on your lives. It is really a blessing to stay in touch with you, so please do write to me! I will try to respond personally.

In Him,

Sara

The River Goddess and Spirit Houses

2004-12-01T12:27:00.000+07:00

The spirituality here is a strange mix of Buddhism and animism that I am still trying to figure out. But here are some of the observations I've had so far.

The Friday after Thanksgiving was the Thai holiday of Loy Krathong. It happens on the first full moon in November, at the end of the rainy season and the end of the rice harvest. Practically every Thai person buys or makes a "Kratong", or small boat made of banana leaves, flowers, incense and candles. When night falls people gather at every body of water-- rivers, canals, ponds and even pools-- to float their kratongs and to offer petitions of forgiveness to the water godess for mistreating the country's waters. More recently it has become a huge party with food vendors and fireworks, akin to our Fourth of July.

My teammate Dave and I decided to participate in this cultural event by offering our kratongs not to a river goddess but to Jesus, as prayers of repentance and gratitude. Dave and Ratchai, a new believer in the community, each made a lamb out of pipe cleaners and cotton balls to symbolize the sacrifice of Jesus, which they placed on their kratongs. Pie, Ratchai's wife, gave me a pre-made kratong which I added three crosses to.

We took our krathongs to a nearby pond. Hundreds of people were already there, kneeling at the water, holding their krathongs up to their foreheads and placing all of their sins on the kratong. It was a really powerful moment for me, to see so many people praying to a god who cannot hear them, who cannot forgive them. It increased my desire for the Thai people to know Jesus, the "kratong of God" who can truly carry away their sins. As the four of us offered up prayers to the Lord and floated our kratongs I felt an immense gratitude to know and worship a God who hears my prayers, who is living and active, not an idol created by men. Pray with me for Thai people to increasingly turn away from their idols and begin to worship the true and living Lord.

----

One of the most obvious symbols of Thai animism is the spirit house. Every building, from restaurants and banks to personal homes all include some sort of shrine to the various spirits that the Thai people believe reside there. The size of these red and gold structures depend on the size of the building-- people in Permsup usually mount a small shrine to a wall, whereas a hotel could have a spirit house on its grounds that would nearly fill a home in Permsup. People stock these shrines with bottles of water (open, with straws sticking out), fruit and other food to appease the spirits.

At first I wondered if this was just a cultural decoration or custom, like the many "Christians" in the States who may have a cross or two in their house but whose religion means little to them. But as I've been increasingly able to talk with people I've come to realize that these spirits are very real to people. There have been a couple nights that I have spent alone in my house, which to me have not been scary at all-- I have great neighbors who are always aware of who is coming and going in our neighborhood. But even those neighbors are amazed that I can sleep at night. I've recently realized this is because they are afraid of spirits. Whenever they are alone it is like they are haunted.

A couple nights ago Jen and I had a HUGE spider in our house, which sent us screaming and running out of the room, and which attracted all of our neighbors asking us what was wrong. When they found out it was a spider they all laughed and were very amused that the farong are afraid of spiders. Without batting an eye a couple of the women went in, caught the spider and let it go outside (bad karma to kill anything, you know).

The next day it was obvious that the story of the screaming farong had spread throughout Permsup. As I sat out in front of the community practicing my Thai with some of the women, many of them asked me if it was true I was afraid of spiders. They, apparently, are not squeamish at all of these giant insects. But many of them admitted they were afraid of spirits. When I would tell them I wasn't, this was very perplexing to them. "You're afraid of spiders but you're not afraid of the spirits??"

Pray that I would be able to learn the words to communicate how I am not afraid because I am protected by the Holy Spirit from any other force in this world. This feels like an open door to be able to explain to people the peace I have as a worshipper of God. Pray for hearts that are open to receive this peace in exchange for their fear.

New Mailing Address

2004-12-01T12:25:00.000+07:00

Because my teamleader is going on furlough soon, I am changing my address from his house to the church/foundation center where it will be easier to pick up my mail. Here is that address:

Sara Stephens
Thai Peace Foundation
3750/9 Soi Lad Phrao 146/1
Khlong Chan, Bangkapi
Bangkok 10240 Thailand

Thanks!

Farang! Farang!

2004-11-04T16:28:00.000+07:00

This term is similar to "gringo" in Spanish and is one of the single most common words I hear in a day.

At first, being stared at and pointed at and labeled as a foreigner didn't bother me. After all, I was new and I felt very foreign. It didn't surprise me that people would gawk. Now, as I am feeling more at home here and things are less strange, it's starting to grate on me that people are still awed at my very presence. When I walk through the mall that I've visited a number of times now, the majority of people literally stop what they're doing and just unashamedly stare. Walking down the street I hear the word "farang" either yelled from far away or spoken between passing pedestrians, as if people think I can't tell what they're saying.

At a nearby convenience store there is a small child who was originally very cute but now is like a thorn in my side. She literally follows me around, grabs at my clothes, asks for money and all the while yells "farang!" right at me. I'm not sure whose child she is-- maybe one of the street vendors' right outside the door-- but maybe she doesn't belong to anyone. She's always so dirty. It brings up a strange mixture of sadness for her and utter annoyance.

What I'm noticing is that most of this attention is not meant to be negative-- people practically worship anything American, especially when it comes to appearance and fashion. Teenaged girls in the church or community without much inhibition will often hold an arm up to mine to compare the skin color difference, or run their fingers through my hair (any hair color that is not jet black is labeled "blonde" here and seen as beautiful). I'll catch them standing close to me if there's a mirror nearby where they can get a glimpse of themselves next to the American. The skincare aisle in a store here seems to carry more "whitening" lotion or makeup than anything else.

I'm not sure how to respond to all of this. Right now I can't, really, since I have so few words. I did have one conversation with a girl who knew some English, telling her that her skin color is beautiful, and that white skin is highly overrated-- it gets sunburned so easily. I told her that in America people spend hours in the sun trying to get darker, and here people spend money trying to get whiter. Really, we should be happy with the way God created us.

It's a very different feeling to stand out and even be idealized. Normally I blend into a crowd very well-- here it is impossible to disappear unless I am physically concealed. Activities like going for a run or hanging out at a mall on my Sabbath are much less relaxing because the attention I attract makes it feel like I'm some sort of celebrity. Especially because the area of town I'm in, whether in Permsup or near the Center, sees very few white people. The socio-economic level is lower here, and the main tourist hub of Bangkok is almost an hour away. There's not much to attract other foreigners here.

Anyway, those are just some of my thoughts. I'm sure I'll have new insights once I can start understanding what people are saying about me. That will be fun once I know Thai but everyone around me doesn't know that I know. :)

Want to send a care package?

2004-11-03T18:16:00.000+07:00

In case you feel inspired to send me a care package at some point, here are some things that are hard to come by and would be much appreciated:

Lactaid (pills that allow me to enjoy the Thai coffee and ice cream here-- mmmmm.....)
MigraHealth (vitamin supplement I take to help prevent migraines)
ibuprofen, general cold medicine
news magazines like The New Yorker, Harpers, etc.
granola bars
Christian books, CDs (email me if you'd like suggestions)
3-way Thai/English dictionary (with English, Thai characters, transliteration)-- the best would be as small as possible
index cards, small cards to use as flashcards for language learning
photos!
anything Christmas-y
A simple letter or card would be exciting, too. :)

Here's my address again, just in case:
Sara Stephens
c/o Kevin and Cynthia Walton
1048 Soi 34
Klong Chang, Bangkapi
Bangkok 10240 THAILAND

I'm a Student Again

2004-10-29T09:40:00.000+07:00

I didn't realize how much I was going to feel like a college student again during this language learning process. I also didn't expect that learning the vocabularly of a three-year-old would be more grueling than 400-level course at the UW.

Each morning I take a 20-minute, 10-cent bus ride (usually standing in the packed aisle, sweating at 8 a.m.) to the Center. This is where church services were formerly held, but since moving to the house-church system it is now mainly used as the church office, a place to hold meetings and language lessons, and includes two rooms that are designated to our Santisuk Partners team.

For two hours Jen and I meet with Juum, our language tutor. We are working through a series of books that takes you first through tone and sound reproduction and then into basic vocabularly. We're not even learning the Thai script yet, but are using a system based on Roman letters. It's hard enough to distinguish different sounds and tones without having to memorize the extensive Thai alphabet and complex spelling rules.

So far we know our numbers pretty well, can order some basic food and drinks at a restaurant, can (in theory) give simple directions to a taxi driver, identify colors, and say the basics like "hello", "thank you" and the important greetings "have you eaten yet?" and "where are you going?" which, I've learned, don't require a full answer-- they're more like our "how are you?"

Yesterday was our first day of also creating a "script", or short paragraph, to memorize and then practice extensively with local vendors and people in the community. Our script yesterday essentially went like this:

"Hello. I am learning Thai. My name is Sara. I come from America. Now I am staying in Bangkok. I will be here two years. Can I come back and see you tomorrow?"

It's a little ridiculous sounding, but I've found that people like to talk to the weird Americans and are just happily amused by us. Almost everyone here is incredibly friendly and helpful.

So now the routine will be two hours with Juum, and hour or two with a "language helper" (someone on staff here) who knows enough English to help us develop a script for the day, and then most of the rest of the day practicing the script. I also set aside time for a daily devotional time, as well as some time to practice parts of the language lesson that we didn't incorporate into the script.

By the end of yesterday, my first full day of this, I was exhausted. This stuff just hurts my brain. Not to mention it involves much extroversion which for me requires a lot of energy. But I'm also highly motivated. It's nice to have just one thing to focus all of my efforts on. And it is so rewarding-- I'm already noticing I can pick up more words in the conversations around me and can communicate in limited ways already.

Please keep this process in your prayers. Ask for God to increase my memory capacity, to give me increased discipline as this is largely a self-motivated process (much like being a college student-- pray that I don't fall back into some of my old habits of procrastination!). Pray for energy and for patient Thais who will work with me as I practice. Thank God with me for the excitement and hopefulness he's given me already, and for how much he's helped me in these first few weeks.

Introducing Permsup

2004-10-18T15:31:00.000+07:00

How do I share about my first two weeks as a missionary in Bangkok? Well, first of all, I don't feel like a missionary yet-- more like a small child. So much here is unfamiliar. I had to learn how to use the bathroom all over again (the "squatty-potty"), people have to lead me anywhere I want to go, and to order food I have to rely on pointing and grunting. I can't even sound out the words on signs here because it's in an entirely different script. It is very humbling! But also exciting as I embrace a new culture and life.

Instead of giving you a day-by-day account of what I've been up to, I think I'll mostly post snapshots of life here. The first will be of Permsup, my new home.

Permsup is a community of about 120 families living in mostly one- or two-room shacks built on stilts over a swamp. We are in the shadow of a driving range and a massage parlor, a short stroll from a large informal market within sight of modern cars, buses and convenience stores. The walls of the houses are plywood and the roof is corrugated metal, making it sound like you're in a tin can during the downpours (we're at the end of the rainy season right now). Holes in the walls and floors allow little lizards and various sized roaches to come in and out, but happily they try to find the first exit once they realize you're in the room.

Jen and I use one room of our house as a shared bedroom and the other as a kind of "main room" which at the moment consists of a small refrigerator and a low table (the kind you eat at while sitting on the floor-- chairs are almost never used in the homes here. In fact, meals are most often laid out on the floor, too). We have hopes of getting some mats or other things to sit on, but probably won't have a full kitchen, at least for awhile-- meals from the numerous street vendors are rarely over 75 cents, so making our own wouldn't save much money but would be a demand on our time.

The other room is our bedroom. We sleep on thick mats under a mosquito net, and burn coils to smoke them out, too. We have a couple sets of plastic drawers and a fabric enclosed wardrobe thing. We wash our clothes at a nearby store and then hang them to dry outside. Our bathroom is a kind of outhouse located just out our front door, with a squatty-potty and giant urn for bucket showers.

The conditions are really rough, but mostly it just feels like camping. Still, I can't imagine raising a family here. There are mangy dogs and cats around and some sketchy characters in other parts of the community. But most of the people here are so friendly. Our landlord, Chai, and his family have been really helpful and are looking out for us. Chai's wife Lin even did my laundry for me the other day. On a daily basis one of our neighbors or someone Dave knows will invite us in for a meal and to teach us some Thai phrases. There are adorable kids running around and plenty of people stopping by our house to chat (or gesture and smile, in our case).

Permsup, along with most of the 1,000+ slum communities in this city, are largely Isaan. The families migrated here from the Northeast looking for work and have been mostly confined to low-income jobs such as construction, bus fare collection, and selling food or goods in the informal economy. Thai is their second language, though they are fluent, and we hope to eventually also learn Isaan, their heart language.

There are my observations so far. More later!

Two Weeks and Counting

2004-09-21T12:35:00.000+07:00

It's just about time!

As of this morning, I have a one-way plane ticket to Bangkok, Thailand. I will leave the evening of October 4 and arrive late on the 6th, Thailand time. Weird, huh? That's three flights (Portland to LA, LA to Taipei, Taipei to Bangkok), the longest being 13 hours. This will be the first of many new experiences for me.

My time in LA was wonderfully relaxing and a real blessing to get to meet so many Servant Partners people. I feel like part of the family now. I'm back in McMinnville tonight and have a huge list of things I still need to get done. Keep me in your prayers that I would be able to tie up all my loose ends without developing an ulcer in the process. :) Generally, I'm extremely excited to be on my way, just experiencing that jitteryness (is that a word? it should be) that comes with stepping into the unknown.

Visas!

2004-08-27T01:54:00.000+07:00

Just a quick update on the visa situation...

I have mine! My passport that I left at the Thai consulate arrived in the mail yesterday, with a real-live, official visa stamp inside. I'm still a little incredulous that it actually worked. When I arrived at the small consulate office in Portland there was no one waiting to be helped and I just walked up to the woman who looked to be a receptionist and she okayed my paperwork within five minutes. No mention of an additional letter from the Thai government at all. It's like one consulate doesn't know what the others are doing. So, next I will take Jen's application in for her and I expect it will be the same easy process.

So praise God! He is a good provider and takes care of all the details when he calls someone into his work. Thank you all for your prayers. I will probably leave for Bangkok in late September or early October. I'll keep you posted!

My August Prayer Letter

2004-08-27T01:51:00.000+07:00

August, 2004

Dear Friends and Family,

Things are happening fast! In about a month or so I will be in Bangkok, Thailand, starting my life as a missionary. This week I will be moving from Eugene, Oregon, where I have been since September, back home to McMinnville, Oregon. Right now I am training my replacement at the law firm I have been working at, and am beginning to think about the somewhat daunting task of packing (and getting rid of things). I will also soon be applying for a visa (see more below). But despite all of the details that need to happen before I leave in mid-September, I have been surprisingly peaceful. God has been providing abundantly and giving me time to rest, have fun and enjoy my summer.

Seek first the Kingdom, and these things will be given to you…

Less than three months after I sent out my first prayer letter, my entire budget was raised. Praise God! And I thank each of you who gave, who prayed, who encouraged me in this process. We serve a wealthy God, who truly does give good gifts to his children, and provides seed to the sower.

Team News

The team I am joining in Bangkok is still in its early stages. My team leader, Kevin Walton, has been in the city for several years as a pastor, and has been recruiting missionaries to join in the task of ministering in the slums.
· Dave Von Stroh has been in Bangkok since September, learning Thai and recently beginning to disciple believers, host a house church and attend training on community development and organization.
· Jenny Godoy, from the Philippines, has arrived in Bangkok recently.
· Jen Wilson, from California, and I will be arriving around the same time and will probably be roommates and go through culture shock together.
· Three more future teammates are beginning their fundraising in the states.
· The church we will work under is in the process of transitioning from being a cell church to being a network of four house churches. Pray for wisdom and discernment for Kevin as he facilitates the transition.

Pray for our visas!

Jen and I are attempting to get our non-immigrant visas and it is proving to be more difficult than we expected. Jen has been turned down twice and is having to delay her departure date. Thai consulates, just in the past few months, are requiring a letter of permission from the Thai government, which we do not have yet. Kevin is beginning to navigate the bureaucracy to request the letter, but it could take quite awhile. In the meantime I will apply in Portland and hope they are lenient. Pray for favor with the authorities!

This will be my final letter until I am in Thailand, but check my website for more updates. Below is my new overseas contact info. Also, please note that my email address has changed since my first prayer letter.

Though my personal budget is met, if you would still like to contribute to the ministry in Bangkok, any additional funds will go into my ministry account, to help directly with costs of our churches and programs. We can never have too many of these donations!

Again, thank you for partnering with me in this ministry—I would not be going anywhere without the support and prayers of my community back home.

Blessings,

Sara

Sara Stephens
c/o Kevin and Cynthia Walton
1038 Soi 34
Klong Chang, Bangkapi
Bangkok 10240 THAILAND

What I'm Up To Now

2004-08-23T05:24:00.000+07:00

I'm back at home (i.e. McMinnville, Oregon), after a hectic day and a half of packing up my room in Eugene. After getting rid of some of my larger possessions (bed, dresser, stereo, keyboard, espresso machine *tear*) I still have an impressive mound of boxes and bags in my room here. How I'm going to decide on what gets my limited luggage space is a task I'd rather not think about. :)

An update on the visa situation: tomorrow I travel to the Portland Thai consulate and apply for my non-immigrant "O-type" visa. With much prayer and an innocent smile I'm hoping they will be lenient enough to grant it to me, despite not having a required letter from the Thai government. Keep that in your prayers, if you think of it.

My departure date will probably be a bit later than I originally anticipated. The visa craziness might necessitate that, but I'm also slowing down my pace and taking an opportunity to spend two weeks in LA visiting my future teammate Jen and other Servant Partners people. I will return September 20, and play it by ear after that. I'm guessing early October, but we'll see.

I've been getting to see a few friends that I haven't talked to in months or years, and my grandma is here from North Carolina. My church just commissioned me this morning, and I have just felt very blessed in my preparations.

More soon, once I have a visa story to tell. My second letter, which I have put in the mail (and will soon email to you folks on my email list) will also be posted soon.

2004-08-06T11:00:00.000+07:00

My future teammate Dave, sharing a meal with neighbors in his community of Permsup.

2004-08-06T10:53:00.000+07:00

A view of Bangkok, seemingly worlds apart from the slums I will be living in.

My First Prayer Letter

2004-08-01T23:24:00.000+07:00

This is the letter I began sending out at the end of April to let friends and family know about God's new call on my life.

Dear Friends and Family,
This past school year I interned on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, the student group that nurtured and challenged my relationship with God during college. As I served students at the University of Oregon I also prayed about what God might have in store for my future. And I have felt led to join a church-planting team reaching out to the slums of Bangkok, Thailand.

My most exciting times of serving Jesus have been on the mission field. High school trips to Mexico and a two-week outreach in Guatemala during college left me passionate about justice for the poor. At the end of each trip I was sad that I could not stay longer, learn the language, and find out what would happen to the families I had met.

This year the college campus has been my mission field, and also my training ground. But I have felt a tugging from God away from the world’s elite (which is the college student in America), to some of the world’s poorest. This is not an entirely new call, as I have for years imagined myself as a lawyer serving the poor someday. While that may eventually be where I end up, my next step is to live among the poor. I expect God wants to grow me in my compassion and understanding, as well as work through me to bless the people who come into my life.

I will be joining a Servant Partners team in Thailand in September. Initially I will be learning to speak Thai and adjusting to Thai culture. I will live in a slum community, building relationships with my neighbors. As I become better able to communicate, I will be helping with ministries such as cell groups, discipling believers, and friendship evangelism. I may also be a part of ministries that promote small business development or practical services to children and parents. I plan to commit about 5 years to this outreach.

Bangkok is known both as the city of angels and the city of sin. It is one of Asia’s most influential cities, and also one of the most corrupt. The government and police protect the city’s infamous prostitution “industry,” which contributes 14% to the GDP of the country. Many young girls, mostly poor, are forced or sold into prostitution. Drugs, alcohol, gambling and debts to loan sharks also plague the city.

Thailand is 92% Buddhist, with less than 2% of the population Christian. The Christian outreach that is present is to the middle and upper classes. Yet 1 million of Bangkok’s 8 million live in the slums and are unlikely to ever hear the Gospel.

The mission field in Bangkok appeals to my passion both for justice and for evangelism, and I am excited to see what God does through me there. Please consider praying for this ministry and for me regularly. I will be sending out newsletters and prayer requests to keep you updated. I look forward to sharing more with you about this new journey!

In Him,
Sara

A Relaxing Weekend

2004-07-25T05:31:00.000+07:00

This is a shot of the Willamette River here in Eugene, taken from the bike path I have come to know very well. I am going to miss my bike rides when I move to Thailand!

My New Journal

2004-07-23T12:16:00.000+07:00

This will be my new journal page, where I let you in on my process of moving to the slums of Bangkok. Check back often!